The obviously resourceful cave-dweller, christened 'Leslie' by the admiring research team assigned to him, astonished the world further by mastering the intricacies of speech in just over a year. His first words were reportedly 'Me go by Grok. Leslie gay'. However, the oldest living human being had another thunderbolt up his sleeve.
On Monday, the newly reborn troglodyte, in a press conference, demanded intellectual property rights for his supposed invention of the wheel. Grok stated that during his short trips outside the laboratory that had become his temporary lodging, he had noticed countless unauthorised uses of his invention. He professed himself deeply hurt by the experience. However, he declared, he was not hurt enough to forget and forgive. In a move that has left the world flabbergasted, Grok, with the help of a team of lawyers assigned by his lab, filed a patent application for the invention of 'the Whirling Hand-made Equipment for Elliptical Locomotion', or the WHEEL.
Meanwhile, policy-makers and businessmen have called the revelation outrageous and denied the possibility that Grok would ever be granted the patent.
When asked to make a statement, the CEO of General Motors said, "It's a farce worthy of those Area 51 morons. That's the last time I laughed as hard as this". Observers reported that the vein protruding from his left temple as he said this did indicate that he had been laughing rather explosively.
In an exclusive interview with the Loony Bean, our celebrity caveman asserted that he had made the future-altering discovery while in pursuit of a rodent of the genus Sciurus whom he labelled 'exceedingly pesky' down a hill at the age of 32. We quizzed him about the exact circumstances of the find. A transcript of the interview is included here:
Interviewer: Could you introduce yourself for our readers, please?
Grok: Me Grok. Me make wheel.
Interviewer: Mr. Grok, let's get straight to business. Your claim is nothing less than sensational. The wheel, as I'm sure you've been informed, has become an indispensable tool for the survival of mankind. Several would-be celebrities have already made similar attempts to patent the coveted invention. All of their claims have been discredited. What makes you think your application will be accepted?
Grok: Grok come from cave. Wheel come from cave.
Interviewer: A valid point, Mr. Grok, but how do you propose to convince the world of the veracity of your statements?
Grok: Grok speak logic. Grok beg judge. Then Grok get club. Work with mammoth, work with man.
Interviewer: Erm, yes. Could you tell us about your moment of inspiration?
Grok: Grok chase Chippa down big hill. Me not see bad tree-trunk in way. Grok step on trunk and rrroooollll (Draws a circle in the air). Grok no catch Chippa. Grok break bones, but Grok learn.
Interviewer: Remarkable. I'm afraid we're rather pressed for screen space. Mr. Grok, would you care to send our readers a message?
Grok: Keep read Loony-bee. It have good shit.
Interviewer: Thank you, Mr Grok. We at the Loony Bean wish you success in your search for scientific justice.
The potential ramifications of Grok's application, if accepted, may well plunge the world into yet another economic crisis. There is hardly an industry today that does not use the wheel in some form or another, and if the patent is accepted, they'd all owe the caveman royalties. Grok, on the other hand, is all-set to lead a highly comfortable second life.
(Disclaimer: Any actual laws related to this have been happily disregarded in this post. I don't know the first thing about patent law, and I don't intend to learn :P)
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